your mouth. on my feel. guaranteed
22, nonbinary

aerialsquid:

clouds-of-wings:

image

“A rare photo of a telecom technician hatching. He even still has parts of the eggshell on his head.”

(via jbbartram-illu)

10:48   5-16-23   2,427 notes

Anonymous asked:

Aren't you the guy who got euthanized?

paper-mario-wiki:

yeah thats me

10:47   5-16-23   5,002 notes

professionalchaoticdumbass:

2andahalfcatastrophes:

I think abt the left 4 dead 2 graffiti so often. Like they really had the human condition nailed huh.

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these are tumblr posts

(via chongoblog)

10:47   5-16-23   76,262 notes

(via godbirdart)

10:46   5-16-23   1,441 notes

myclericalromance:

i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said “we’re not catholic here”. now every time i’m doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.

(via chongoblog)

10:43   5-16-23   34,888 notes

9:47   5-16-23   2,075 notes

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

I wanna write a Hob/Dream fic except it’s Dream being like “now we shall have sex” and Hob is like “wait for real” and Dream is like “why would it not be for real” and Hob is like “okay but like imaginary dream sex or like here in my bed right now, what are we talking” and Dream is like “firstly. dream sex is real sex. secondly yeah here on your bed in the waking world, what is confusing” and Hob is like “…like anal sex?” and Dream is like “…if you like? this seems more distressing to you than I anticipated?” Hob is like “well ever since I found out you’re the King of Dreams (which was NOT my guess for what your deal was btw fyi) I sorta assumed you…didn’t? have the parts?” and Dream is like “the parts?” and Hob has no fucking idea if this. this. being. if he has a penis and balls and or a vagina and or a butthole or like what, is like the deal. what’s up down there. metaphysically speaking. “does your kind have sex to reproduce?” and Dream is like “sometimes yes but usually no” and then Hob is like “do you need to eat food to live” and Dream is like *SCOFF* really scoffily because he is a dick, and Hob, losing his mind, is like “okay then you see my confusion because, and I’ll be crude here, why do you even need genitals or an asshole” and Dream, horny, is like “FOR SEX

They get pretty close to having sex but then Hob is like “okay but if you have urethra, do you also have kidneys? do you need kidneys? you’re the creator and creation of humanity’s collective subconscious, right? can you get a kidney stone??” and Dream, who hasn’t fucked in a thousand years by the way and was really looking forward to doing so, is like “I get a kidney stone if I desire to have a kidney stone” and Hob is like “somehow that’s more confusing”

Hob is at last ready, he’s like “okay, great, cool, I’m ready. do we need a condom” and Dream is like “do you think a condom could possibly protect you” and Hob is like “I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANATOMY. AND I DON’T LIKE HOW YOU PHRASED THAT”

(via geniusorinsanity)

9:46   5-16-23   9,403 notes

alicentsgf:

stardust (2007) really has everything. murder. mayhem. witches. gay pirates. unicorns. true love. claire danes. blond henry cavill before blond henry cavill was cool. subtle but wildly inappropriate jokes. a beheading. a lost princess. a running commentary of sarcastic ghosts. and more murder.

(via very-grumpy-bisexual)

9:45   5-16-23   30,020 notes

harvest1972:

i like when u have an album on vinyl and cd both its like a mommy disk and a baby disk. and if you get a cassette too its like the family got an oupy dog

(via harringtonraejepsen)

9:45   5-16-23   3,156 notes

slimetony:

Me on first day as the job interviewer: what are your greatest weaknesses. What are you weaknesses. What will make you break. Am i scaring you. What would you say is your greatest weakness. Aaaa! Anyway. Have you ever been attacked? What would you consider your greatest weakness.

(via manywinged)

9:45   5-16-23   7,988 notes

humandisastersquad:

kleefkruid:

My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him “In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple ‘pro and contra list’ we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate.”

and my dad didn’t really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: “I am having a bad time at the conference”

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(via wintercass34)

9:45   5-16-23   165,487 notes

ca-dmv-bot:
“Customer: GUN DOCTOR (GUNSMITH)
DMV: GUN DOCTOR
Verdict: DENIED
”

ca-dmv-bot:

Customer: GUN DOCTOR (GUNSMITH)
DMV: GUN DOCTOR

Verdict: DENIED

(via manywinged)

9:44   5-16-23   1,192 notes

dabwax:

the-haiku-bot:

bougiebutchbitch:

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obsessed with every time Wilson strides in, soft-doms House, and leaves again

obsessed with every

time Wilson strides in, soft-doms

House, and leaves again

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Obsessed with how many House MD posts haikubot throws onto my dash

(via very-grumpy-bisexual)

9:44   5-16-23   1,257 notes