i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said “we’re not catholic here”. now every time i’m doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.
I wanna write a Hob/Dream fic except it’s Dream being like “now we shall have sex” and Hob is like “wait for real” and Dream is like “why would it not be for real” and Hob is like “okay but like imaginary dream sex or like here in my bed right now, what are we talking” and Dream is like “firstly. dream sex is real sex. secondly yeah here on your bed in the waking world, what is confusing” and Hob is like “…like anal sex?” and Dream is like “…if you like?this seems more distressing to you than I anticipated?” Hob is like “well ever since I found out you’re the King of Dreams (which was NOT my guess for what your deal was btw fyi) I sorta assumed you…didn’t? have the parts?” and Dream is like “the parts?” and Hob has no fucking idea if this. this. being. if he has a penis and balls and or a vagina and or a butthole or like what, is like the deal. what’s up down there. metaphysically speaking. “does your kind have sex to reproduce?” and Dream is like “sometimes yes but usually no” and then Hob is like “do you need to eat food to live” and Dream is like *SCOFF* really scoffily because he is a dick, and Hob, losing his mind, is like “okay then you see my confusion because, and I’ll be crude here, why do you even need genitals or an asshole” and Dream, horny, is like “FOR SEX”
They get pretty close to having sex but then Hob is like “okay but if you have urethra, do you also have kidneys? do you need kidneys? you’re the creator and creation of humanity’s collective subconscious, right? can you get a kidney stone??” and Dream, who hasn’t fucked in a thousand years by the way and was really looking forward to doing so, is like “I get a kidney stone if I desire to have a kidney stone” and Hob is like “somehow that’s more confusing”
Hob is at last ready, he’s like “okay, great, cool, I’m ready. do we need a condom” and Dream is like “do you think a condom could possibly protect you” and Hob is like “I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANATOMY. AND I DON’T LIKE HOW YOU PHRASED THAT”
stardust (2007) really has everything. murder. mayhem. witches. gay pirates. unicorns. true love. claire danes. blond henry cavill before blond henry cavill was cool. subtle but wildly inappropriate jokes. a beheading. a lost princess. a running commentary of sarcastic ghosts. and more murder.
i like when u have an album on vinyl and cd both its like a mommy disk and a baby disk. and if you get a cassette too its like the family got an oupy dog
Me on first day as the job interviewer: what are your greatest weaknesses. What are you weaknesses. What will make you break. Am i scaring you. What would you say is your greatest weakness. Aaaa! Anyway. Have you ever been attacked? What would you consider your greatest weakness.
My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him “In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple ‘pro and contra list’ we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate.”
and my dad didn’t really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: “I am having a bad time at the conference”